The Phillip Seymour Hoffman Spyshots are Finally Here

Yeah, I know…we’ve been promising what appear to be the Phillip Seymour Hoffman spyshots for months, but research like this takes time. We’ve heavily scrutinized these pictures for weeks and have come to this conclusion: They sure look a lot like Hoffman.

However, there is some circumstantial evidence that has us wondering whether or not we have, in fact, caught the PSH in his natural habitat

Photo #1: The Money Shot

We saw Hoffman’s graceful athleticism on display in Along Came Polly, and witnessed more of his physical prowess as he bounded through rafters in Mission Impossible 3, but could he really pull a wheelie like that on a cruiser – questionable at best. Not to mention, if you look closely, patches of ice are scattered across the pavement. Sure, Hoffman is known for living life in the fast lane, but wheelies on ice, c'mon, that’s just nuts.

Photo #2: Pedal Breaks

This picture seems to be taken in the middle of a sick skid-out. However, I’ve heard from more than one person that Hoffman apparently hates pedal breaks. Whoever is in this photo is obviously comfortable with lockin’ em’up at full speed (without a helmet – VERY DANGEROUS) and fishtailing to an intimidating stop. Rumors have been flying around regarding a possible production of RAD 2 being shot in Boulder, so perhaps Hoffman is beefing up on his BMX skills, because everyone knows if you can wheelie and skid out on a cruiser with pedal breaks – you can do it on anything.

Photo # 3: The Body

Actors gain and lose weight to better fit the different roles they play, but have we ever seen Hoffman so chiseled? I mean, the guy in this picture could make orange juice with his thighs, bench press a pony, and you can see the short straps struggling to fit over his giant lats. If this isn’t some sort of stunt double, Hoffman has spent the last month straight on Tony Little’s Gazelle.

Photo #4: The Gear

Where did he get all that amazing Randall Scott Gear? We know we aren’t sponsoring him, but we found some interesting things when we checked the history of our jersey orders. About a month ago there was an order to Hollywood, CA made by one Rodolpho Capote. As we know, actors live in Hollywood. And as we know, Hoffman recently played Capote on the silver screen. Rodolpho? The name of Jennifer Anniston’s ferret in Along Came Polly. It’s almost like he wanted us to find him.

With a lot of contradictory evidence, we find it hard to tell if Performance NICycle has infiltrated our inner circle and planted this imposter in our back yard, or if we’re the first on the scene with Emmy worthy spyshots and the perfect alibi. Making ourselves vulnerable like this is risky, but if in a year from now we see Hoffman’s gorgeous blonde mane flying in the breeze as he pops a wheelie in a preview for Rad 2, it will be well worth it. A risk we just have to take - and I mean seriously, how can that not be PSH?