Alpha Energy Drink Imposes its Will Upon Randall Scott Staff

It was what seemed to be an average day at the Randall Scott headquarters in Boulder: Sammy was having his back waxed, The Brattles was waxing him while dining on a low-carb ice cream sandwich, and the rest of the staff was hard at work, fulfilling orders, helping customers, and dreaming about single tracks.

(Sam ready for the wax of his life)


Different reps for different products were circulating through our halls, pitching their products for the fast approaching 2007 season. But there was one rep that was a little different than the rest.

It was around lunchtime when he entered. Behind him he dragged a black duffle bag that looked to be filled with cinderblocks. He wore a t-shirt which had been stripped of its sleeves, exposing the bruises and lesions that covered the weathered skin of his hulking biceps, and he winked at me as persevered past my desk into Randall’s office.

Faint screams and belly laughs emanated through the office door, making my curiosity about the contents of the duffle bag that much more intense. Soon these screams and laughs had escalated into a raucous cacophony of growls accompanied by George Thoroughgood and the Destroyers “Bad to the Bone”.

What the @#$% was this guy selling?

Just when I was about to knock on the door to find the source of this melee, Randall emerged sporting a smile.

“This stuff is great,” he yelled, holding up a 12oz can with the name Spike strewn across its side.




“What happened,” I asked a little bewildered.

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” exclaimed a giddy Randall as he skipped down the hall tossing cans of this mystery drink to anyone he could find.

As Randall disappeared down the corridor, the rep exited Randall’s office with a bloody nose, duffle bag empty, and flashed me a near toothless smile as he leaned towards me, “Don’t get em’ wet, and don’t feed them after midnight,” he whispered before leaving with an evil chortle.

What ensued in the next few days was nothing short of mayhem. The Spike energy drink increased our productivity by 200%, we started a fight club, and three people quit to pursue a Nickelback cover band.

Ever since we’ve been weighing the pros and cons of this powerful elixir – but have yet to come to a conclusion about whether or not we’ll carry it. We haven’t been able to get a hold of the rep, but legend has it he was last seen seeking political asylum in Transylvania.

So the choice is yours: should we carry this Alpha Energy Drink that responds to the name Spike? Or should we tuck tail and go with an energy drink that doesn’t make heart attacks an imminent threat? We need to know how extreme the Randall Scott Family really is – so drop us a comment below, as your input will determine the fate of this berry sweet rocket fuel.