Let the Tournament of the Badass Begin.

Let the Tournament of the Badass begin. We’ve compiled a list of the 16 baddest asses ever to walk the earth and entered them in a no-holds-barred, fight to the death, tournament. The Brackets will be made public on Wednesday - then you’ll be able to vote your favorite Badass to immortality. For now, here’s a look at the contestants and their seedings.

Number 1 Seeds:

Ferrigno Bracket: Blade (aka: The Daywalker)

In 1996 Wesley Snipes was the 2nd deadliest man alive – In 1998 most educated people considered Blade to be #1. With his Mother bitten a few hours before his birth, Blade was bestowed with all the powers of a vampire and none of their weaknesses. With the aid of his partner, Kris Kristoffer...I mean Abraham Whistler, Blade wields an endless arsenal of weapons with deadly precision and unparalleled efficiency.

His calling card is his samurai sword, which makes Hattori Honzo’s steel look like paper-mache. His regenerative abilities are comparable to those of Wolverine and his hand to hand combat skills are second to none. With the same hair-cut as Wild Thing Ricky Vaughan, Blade’s intimidation factor is high and his weaknesses are few. Any loss by this veteran badass would be viewed as a big upset.

Franco Columbu Bracket: Gandalf The White (formerly Gandalf The Grey)

A Wizard who’s not afraid to mix it up has to be given a #1 seed. After his battle with the Barlog (Durin’s Bane) Gandalf was resurrected by Eru and came back with a few more tricks up his sleeve - and a chip on his shoulder.

Experience and magic are this sorcerer’s strengths, but if you can somehow get his staff you may have a big advantage.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Bracket: Braveheart (aka: William Wallace, aka: Arguille’s Nephew)


William Wallace is Seven feet tall, kills men by the hundreds, and consumes enemies with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. These are all myths, but the fact remains that William Wallace is a master strategist, can smell an ambush from a continent away, will be ruled by NO man, and is the walking definition of a “Leader of Men”.

The line between man and myth becomes decidedly blurred when talking about the strengths and weaknesses of this Scottish Warrior. Underestimating this tri-lingual savage is something no opponent can afford to do.











Roger Callard Bracket: Wolverine (aka: Logan)


Yes, Yes, you know the story. This mutant is blessed with uncharted regenerative abilities that allowed him to undergo a radical surgery which laced his skeleton with adamantium (a purportedly indestructible metallic compound).

With the heightened senses of a wolverine and attitude of John McLean, trying to pet this guy into submission isn’t something I’d recommend. His razor-sharp claws make it impossible for him to go to third base, which just adds to his poor attitude. He’s a definite pre-tourney favorite.




Number 2 Seeds:

Ferrigno Bracket: General Maximus Decimus Meridius (aka: Gladiator, aka: the Spaniard)


His name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, he is commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.

With enough angst to kill a small horse, this battle-tested Roman is a true sleeper. Some people aren’t happy that he’s a 2 seed, but this won’t be the first time the odds have been stacked against him.





Franco Columbu Bracket: Terminator (aka: Cyberdyne Systems Model 101)

Never makes a wrong decision, doesn’t care if he’s naked, and short of molten ore, not much can stop him. If he’s programmed to win this tournament, nothing else will be on his mind.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Bracket: King Leonidus (aka: The Spartan King)

Guess how many men it took Leonidus to fend off the thousand nations of the Persian Empire? Answer:300 – that’s less than one man per three nations.

Like myself, Leonidus was cast into the woods at age seven with the rest of his peers. Here, like myself, he learned to hunt, fight, steal, and kill. Only the strongest survived, and only one was made King. The difference between my plight and that of Leonidus is that his exile was in the mild climate of Southern Greece, while mine was in the unforgiving elements of NH – but that’s neither here nor there.

The fact that this warrior of warriors embraces death only makes the prospect of fighting him more ominous. And he has a great body

Roger Callard Bracket: Robocop (aka: an old private dick turned vigilante machine)


Can’t say I know much about this guy – he’s got a metal suit, lives in a dystopic future society where the lines between good and evil are ironically twisted. I was told he should be a number two seed – if it were up to me, Steve Guttenberg from Three Men and a Baby would be in this slot.

Number Three Seeds:

Lou Ferrigno Bracket: Rocky Balboa (aka: The Italian Stallion)

West Philadelphia Born and Raised. It wouldn’t seem right making Rocky a favorite, and it wouldn’t seem right making him a four seed. So we have him nicely positioned as a three seed.

“He’s not human. He’s like a piece of steel.” That’s what Drago says after a few relentless rounds, and that’s what every youth in America has come to learn thanks to USA, TNT, and TBS. I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t make it out of the first round.



Franco Columbu Bracket: Malibu (aka: Mittens aka: Whispers)

Enough Said

Arnold Schwarzenegger Bracket: Royce Gracie (aka: Royce Gracie)

I told you in 1996 that Wesley Snipes was the 2nd deadliest man in the world – Royce (pronounced Hoyce) was number one.

A master grapler and 4-time Ultimate Fighting champion, Royce consistently beat opponents who outweighed him by 50lbs or more. In 2004 he beat Akebono, the Sumo Grand Champion (who’s 6’8” and weighed in at 486 lbs), in 6 minutes. His father created the art of Gracie –Jui-Jitsu, and Royce perfected it. If Joe Rogan’s announcing the fight, I’d bet the ranch on Gracie.

Roger Callard Bracket: Casey Ryback (aka: the Chef)

“Casey Fu*&$# Ryback’s on that Train?”

If you’re going to hijack a naval battleship, or a train, you might want to make sure the cook isn’t an ex-Navy SEAL and explosives expert – just ask Gary Busey. A cross between Macgyver and Chuck Norris gives Ryback a fighting chance against anyone. And he plays a mean blues guitar.

Number 4 Seeds:

Lou Ferrigno Bracket: Johnny Lawrence (aka: Cobra Kai Captain)

This teenage badass can usually be found sweeping legs, putting people in body bags, and wearing sick skeleton costumes. Put me in the ring with this beanbag and I’ll eat his face.

Franco Columbu Bracket: Frank Dux (aka: LCVD, aka: Muscles from Brussels)

Winner of the Kumite, an underground mixed martial arts tournament, Frank’s variety of style and ability to adjust to any fighting style make him a real challenge for even the best badass. He can also catch fish with his hands blindfolded, so any attempt to blind him is futile.

*This is the Frank Dux from Bloodsport, not the real life sycophant.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Bracket: Randall Scott (aka: Battlecat)

(Randall on the Right)



Built like a Shetland Pony, this mini workhorse beat Wilmer Valderama in a fight in match that lasted 8 seconds - a tournament record. With a record of 17-1, Randall's only loss was to Black Death in Bridgeport Connecticut. Horse 7 point 7.

Roger Callard Bracket: Captain Furious (aka: Pheonix Dark)

Leader of a cadre called the Mystery Men, this man’s power is the fact that he gets extremely mad. Once Captain Amazing was killed, Captain Furious took over and defeated the most maniacal villain Champion City has ever seen – Casanova Frankenstein. Can lightning strike twice?