Brown Chicken Brown Cow

As one who has dedicated his life to cycling for the last 15 years I am often asked what brought me to the world of wheels. Was it the rush of a mountain decent, the challenge of the steep climb, the calorie burning fitness or mechanical wonderment of it all? No…it was amateur pornography. Allow me to explain…

Once upon a time I was more interested on my BAC (blood alcohol content) than my HR (heart rate) and “smoking the competition” meant buying Camels instead or Marlboros. The bottle I drank from most came from Lynchburg, Tennessee and recovery was a 12-step program instead of a nap and massage. This all came to a boiling point one night when I was leaving a bar after too many shots of straight vodka. There was a car crash, broken glass and the axle of an oncoming car spinning down the boulevard. Luckily vodka doesn’t have a smell and I blamed my poor driving on the rain. I also had to stop making Ted Kennedy jokes as of that day. [Authors note: Driving drunk is for idiots that should be thrown in jail to clean toilets with their personal toothbrush.]

Without a car I was forced to ask for rides from co-workers and friends. One girl I worked with lived the same direction as me from work so she was the obvious candidate for a ride. After two weeks of bumming rides she asked me if she could take me out to the woods and take photos of me…me naked that is! I felt a little uncomfortable and really wanted out of the car at that moment. I saw a sign for a bike shop and asked the girl to pull over. I got out of the car and walked into the shop and bought a Schwinn High Plains mountain bike for $333.99. I rode home with what was left of my dignity and my life would be forever changed.

My first real ride was about 20 minutes long and I thought I was going to die. I wore Umbro soccer shorts and a t-shirt and I didn’t bring any water. At the time I weighed about 213 pounds and my favorite snack was a Wendy’s Frosty with a box of Whoppers Malted Milk Balls included for extra taste. The front of all my jeans were permanently creased like and accordion from the bulk of my belly cresting over the denim waistband and my shirts never stayed tucked in. All in all I was a typical nicotine addicted fat ass with a Budweiser jones.

Soon the rides got a little longer and I started to eat better. The smoking lessened and the beer was replaced with water for the weekdays. I noticed the weight was starting to go down and my energy was going up. I learned about some crazy race call the Tour de France and I was glued to the poor weekend television coverage that was offered in the United States. Greg LeMond was my new hero and David Lee Roth was moved to second place.

After two years of this behavior I was purchasing a new bike (with money saved from quitting smoking) and was meeting the locals for the morning group rides. I lost 40 pounds and my family was scared that I had a fatal disease since I lost so much weight. I felt better about myself and I avoided a career in the pornography business. There is one lesson out of this transformation that I will never forget and want to get out to everyone: Just Ride.

Just Ride, It is that simple. A mountain bike, road bike, cruiser…it doesn’t matter. Just start pedaling and a smile will appear on your face and you feel like a kid again. Do it for a cause, do it for fun or just to escape a life of nude photos like me. Whatever the reason (there doesn’t even need to be one) just turn the cranks and get the legs moving. See the neighborhood in a way you can’t from the car. Go down roads that have no purpose and leave the cell phone at home. Knowing what I know now, feeling the way I do and seeing the places I have seen from the saddle I cannot imagine a life without cycling. The other blessing in my life is that I get to design bikes for consumers knowing they will love the ride and hopefully find as many amazing adventures as I have over the years. I also get to meet a lot of cool people (watch your toes, name dropping coming up) like George Hincapie, Steve Bauer, Lance, Greg LeMond, Wayne Stetina, Sam Hill, Davis Phinney, Jonathan Vaughters, Carole Sharpless, Becky Lavelle and Bella Comerford.

Thanks for reading. Now get out there and just ride!

T.R. Maloney

Product Manager 

Tommaso Bicycles