Youtube Talent Scout Does His Job Fairly Well

My number one Youtube talent scout (He's in grad school and "writing his thesis", so I receive roughly 6 youtubes a day from him) just sent me this. He requested anonymity, so for the blog we'll call him Hap Bradley...thanks Hap.



(I think we'll be selling these glasses soon)

Trail Mix

Haven’t posted for a while, so here’s a quick roundup of what’s happened in the last week.

I saw Rambo First Blood for the first time on Friday night.


Verdict: It far exceeded my expectations, giving me a few unforgettable quotes that I have unsuccessfully been trying to use for the last three days.

Top Two Rambo First Blood Quotes:

1) Colonel Samuel Trautman (Richard Crenna) talking to Hope Sherrif Will Teasle (Brian Dennehy), explaining why Rambo is such a bada$$.

“You don’t seem to want to accept the fact that you’re dealing with an expert in Guerrilla Warfare – A man who’s the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. A man who’s been taught to ignore pain, to ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that make Billy Goats puke.”


I've already had my best friend sign a contract that will require him to work that paragraph into my Eulogy.

2) Sherrif Teasle, full of Bravado, giving his take on John Rambo.

Teasle: He was just another drifter who broke the law!
Trautman: Vagrancy wasn't it? That's gonna look real good on his grave stone in Arlington: Here lies John Rambo, winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor, survivor of countless incursions behind enemy lines. Killed for vagrancy in Jerkwater, USA.

Jerkwater USA must have been used by every high school kid from 82' to 89'...I'm bringing it back.

(3:30 into this clip is where the Colonel drops his amazing "Billy Goat" line.)






Our do-it-all, moustache laden, executive of the year - Smoothie Mishkin - just moved into a mountain house about 25 minutes out of town. Here are some pictures of his first weekend (the morning after watching First Blood):

(Here's his Swiss Chalet, about 20 miles into the Colorado Rockies)



(About 100 yards west of Sammy's house...pretty cool)



(Sammy unveils his first chainsaw - THE FARM BOSS - and prepares not to cut off his fingers)


(My hand - and Sammy's inspiration for wearing safety glasses and not running with a chainsaw)


(I can still still kick the #@$% out of Sammy)



(In case Becket had any chance of escaping a Mountain Lion attack, Sammy tied him up to ensure a fatality)



(In NH we have an axe in each hand Smoothie)


(Sorry Buddy, guess you'll have to fatten up...maybe next time)


Moustache-Off comes to an anti-climactic finish:

In my opinion the last moustache of the bunch was the best. Unfortunately the guy who grew it could only wear if for a day before he shaved it off. Apparently the moustache didn’t fit his image of “not caring about an image”...the irony

So, reluctantly, here are the sorry staches of 2007:

(As a girl I know delicately put it, "It looks like a hairy donut around your mouth". It lasted about 10 minutes after that comment)


(Sammy's moustache...a staple in his repertoire, always immaculate)



(Should have been the runaway winner...with a clean shaven beard this was Selleckesque)



MAC

That's It: I'm Trying Out For American Gladiators

After six beers before lunch on Saturday I had an epiphany: I will win season two of the new American Gladiators.

Or I will at least try out.

Although I missed the Sunday Season premiere, the commercial hook was all I needed to fuel the Gladiator inside me, “Warriors from a forgotten age, challenges to test the mind and body, and enough spandex to shrink wrap a mobile home.”

If anybody embodies the nostalgic, washed up, high school hero athlete who defines the American Gladiator contestants; it’s me.

Give me two drinks and I’ll start talking about 1998 - when my high school team was down by 10 to Kennett in the fourth quarter and I had three steals and 14 points in the last 10 minutes to seal it.

Give me two more drinks and I’ll tell you the only reason I didn’t start on my Division III college team was because the coach and I didn’t see eye to eye.

Give me two more drinks and I’ll tell you how if I didn’t drink so much I probably would have played middle linebacker at USC.

So now, with the return of American Gladiators, I have a chance to prove to all my co-workers, friends, and every girl I’ve ever met, that Woody Harrelson has nothing on me.

(Watch the move this guy pulls 1:30 into this video...truly amazing)



Only one question remains: Does Randall Believe in me?

Training for this endeavor won’t be cheap, and on my salary it would be like Rocky IV: I’ll be running through the snow with a log while these pretty-boy contestants are hurtling through homemade “Eliminators” and “Assault Courses” with EKG’s strapped to every vein on their bodies.

Here at Randall Scott Laboratories we have the ability to recreate every challenge, can get the finest HGH, and have the best looking trainer west of the Mississippi.

(Our Trainer Mo: told you)


So Randall, the ball’s in your court. All I ask is a few days off here and there, a monthly stipend to cover training and nutrition, a medical staff, and the construction of aforementioned American Gladiators Gym.

In return Randall Scott Company should get more publicity than an inebriated celebrity screaming racial or ethnic slurs, and house the 2009 American Gladiator Champion.

Seems like a fair deal to me? Randall’s response will be published as soon as I get it...until then I'll be bench pressing at the Y across the street

P.S. This isn’t a joke.

P.P.P.S. The disgusting conclusion of the moustache-off will be revealed soon.

P.P.S. I don't know how or where to sign up for American Gladiators try outs, so if you know: email me. If you're wondering: don't ask me.

Randall's Day Off

We did somehow convince Randall to give us New Years off (I think it's a law), but this is what he made us do instead. Sitting in his living room until the ball dropped, Randall had the same party as last year. He's the one with the boombox.