Asking the RS Community for HELP

*This post would usually be under “Mac’s Glory Days”, but since I’m in a real shame spiral I decided to post it here where I might get more responses

Tonight, as I ate dinner with my parents (and watched Jeopardy for the eleventh straight day) I wondered once again, "What would I be doing if I were still in college?" And more importantly, "would I have ever have believed, when I was in college, that in five years I'd be on my parent's couch?"

The answer to the latter was a resounding NO. More and more I see my life imitating Billy Madison - only my parents aren’t rich. When the two most pervasive thoughts in your head are, “I can’t wait for my Dad to start snoring so I can steal the remote and watch Sportscenter three times in a row” and, for no apparent reason, “I wonder if I can trick my dog into thinking I’m a vampire?” you know the monotony is getting to you.

(My gullible dog Ruby)


So I’m in a small slump – what can I say – I need some advice on how to spice up my life. I’ve already decided that tomorrow I’m going to TiVo Jeopardy, memorize the answers, invite some girl I knew in high shcool over and convince her that - if I could just get a try out - her and I could end up like Woody Harrelson and Rosie Perez in White Men Can’t Jump – “What? She left him at the end of the Movie?”

Just my luck, someone, advice please.

Alpha Energy Drink Imposes its Will Upon Randall Scott Staff

It was what seemed to be an average day at the Randall Scott headquarters in Boulder: Sammy was having his back waxed, The Brattles was waxing him while dining on a low-carb ice cream sandwich, and the rest of the staff was hard at work, fulfilling orders, helping customers, and dreaming about single tracks.

(Sam ready for the wax of his life)


Different reps for different products were circulating through our halls, pitching their products for the fast approaching 2007 season. But there was one rep that was a little different than the rest.

It was around lunchtime when he entered. Behind him he dragged a black duffle bag that looked to be filled with cinderblocks. He wore a t-shirt which had been stripped of its sleeves, exposing the bruises and lesions that covered the weathered skin of his hulking biceps, and he winked at me as persevered past my desk into Randall’s office.

Faint screams and belly laughs emanated through the office door, making my curiosity about the contents of the duffle bag that much more intense. Soon these screams and laughs had escalated into a raucous cacophony of growls accompanied by George Thoroughgood and the Destroyers “Bad to the Bone”.

What the @#$% was this guy selling?

Just when I was about to knock on the door to find the source of this melee, Randall emerged sporting a smile.

“This stuff is great,” he yelled, holding up a 12oz can with the name Spike strewn across its side.




“What happened,” I asked a little bewildered.

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” exclaimed a giddy Randall as he skipped down the hall tossing cans of this mystery drink to anyone he could find.

As Randall disappeared down the corridor, the rep exited Randall’s office with a bloody nose, duffle bag empty, and flashed me a near toothless smile as he leaned towards me, “Don’t get em’ wet, and don’t feed them after midnight,” he whispered before leaving with an evil chortle.

What ensued in the next few days was nothing short of mayhem. The Spike energy drink increased our productivity by 200%, we started a fight club, and three people quit to pursue a Nickelback cover band.

Ever since we’ve been weighing the pros and cons of this powerful elixir – but have yet to come to a conclusion about whether or not we’ll carry it. We haven’t been able to get a hold of the rep, but legend has it he was last seen seeking political asylum in Transylvania.

So the choice is yours: should we carry this Alpha Energy Drink that responds to the name Spike? Or should we tuck tail and go with an energy drink that doesn’t make heart attacks an imminent threat? We need to know how extreme the Randall Scott Family really is – so drop us a comment below, as your input will determine the fate of this berry sweet rocket fuel.

Randall Scott Now in the Company of Benjamin Franklin, Napoleon, and Bob Seger

With Randall Scott Company radically expanding its product line (with the addition of Eddy Merckx Framesets, the awesome, sweet 2007 Carnac Shoe line, Pegoretti Frames, and Smith Optics with a hint of the eighties) the Founder/President, Randall Scott, is radically changing his lifestyle. The cycling season is closing in fast, and with the influx of business comes a workload that demands more than his usual thirteen hour a day. So like any good entrepreneur, Randall has quit sleeping.

“Rest When Your Dead” is the motto strewn across the grungy shirt he’s been wearing for the past eleven days, and “Uberman Sleep” is the new siesta strategy he plans to employ. For a normal human being I would expect this experiment to end with a straightjacket, but I once saw Randall eat a Biggie Frosty in eleven seconds, so anything is possible.

4 hours on - 30 minutes off - that's the plan, giving Randall three hours of sleep time. While this strategy is rare, it is also the calling card of geniuses dating back to Da Vinci. Even today P. Diddy uses this method so he can rap 21 hours a day. The list of beneficiaries is long, but to name a few: Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, Paris Hilton, Thomas Edison, Napoleon, Huey Lewis, Lord Byron, and The Fonz are students of Uberman Sleep.

With a new pass to 24 hour fitness and a Minoura Trainer in the office Randall should still look like shaved steel, but will the deprivation get to him?

I’ll be documenting the progress of this experiment with flow charts of Randall’s productivity, randomly administered stress tests, and weekly headshots. So check here for weekly updates.