Elite 8

There were some blowouts, some close matches, some deaths, and - thanks to Malibu - plently of brewskies and babes in the first round of the Badass Tournament.

Before you vote for the second round, take a look at some of the highlights of round one:

Biggest Upset:

There were a couple 2/3 seed upsets, but Casey Ryback crushed Robocop in the first round. I'm not sure if Segal had anything to do with it, but Under Seige has been on TNT three times since the tourney began.






Biggest Margin of Victory: Ryback takes the cake again by earning over 80% of the vote.





Quickest Knockout: Blade - 7 seconds. Lawrence's sweep of the legs was met by a sumari sword just above the knee. Joe Rogan quickly signaled for a TKO and an ambulance.














Closest Battle: King Leonidus and Royce Gracie. This match lasted almost 5 hours and only ended when Gracie applied the famous MacNamee headlock.






Now we whittle it down to the Final Four. Voting works the same as last round:

TO VOTE: click on the COMMENT link at the bottom of this blog and simply write in your first round winners.

To view a bigger version of the bracket, click on the bracket image and a larger version will appear....magic.

Tournament of the BA Begins

OK, the Bracket is in. If you haven't been following, you can scroll down to get a bio regarding each contestant in the Badass Tourney. Votes from the first round will be tallied this weekend and the second round will begin next Monday.

TO VOTE: click on the COMMENT link at the bottom of this blog and simply write in your first round winners.

To view a bigger version of the bracket, click on the bracket image and a larger version will appear....magic.

Let the Tournament of the Badass Begin.

Let the Tournament of the Badass begin. We’ve compiled a list of the 16 baddest asses ever to walk the earth and entered them in a no-holds-barred, fight to the death, tournament. The Brackets will be made public on Wednesday - then you’ll be able to vote your favorite Badass to immortality. For now, here’s a look at the contestants and their seedings.

Number 1 Seeds:

Ferrigno Bracket: Blade (aka: The Daywalker)

In 1996 Wesley Snipes was the 2nd deadliest man alive – In 1998 most educated people considered Blade to be #1. With his Mother bitten a few hours before his birth, Blade was bestowed with all the powers of a vampire and none of their weaknesses. With the aid of his partner, Kris Kristoffer...I mean Abraham Whistler, Blade wields an endless arsenal of weapons with deadly precision and unparalleled efficiency.

His calling card is his samurai sword, which makes Hattori Honzo’s steel look like paper-mache. His regenerative abilities are comparable to those of Wolverine and his hand to hand combat skills are second to none. With the same hair-cut as Wild Thing Ricky Vaughan, Blade’s intimidation factor is high and his weaknesses are few. Any loss by this veteran badass would be viewed as a big upset.

Franco Columbu Bracket: Gandalf The White (formerly Gandalf The Grey)

A Wizard who’s not afraid to mix it up has to be given a #1 seed. After his battle with the Barlog (Durin’s Bane) Gandalf was resurrected by Eru and came back with a few more tricks up his sleeve - and a chip on his shoulder.

Experience and magic are this sorcerer’s strengths, but if you can somehow get his staff you may have a big advantage.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Bracket: Braveheart (aka: William Wallace, aka: Arguille’s Nephew)


William Wallace is Seven feet tall, kills men by the hundreds, and consumes enemies with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. These are all myths, but the fact remains that William Wallace is a master strategist, can smell an ambush from a continent away, will be ruled by NO man, and is the walking definition of a “Leader of Men”.

The line between man and myth becomes decidedly blurred when talking about the strengths and weaknesses of this Scottish Warrior. Underestimating this tri-lingual savage is something no opponent can afford to do.











Roger Callard Bracket: Wolverine (aka: Logan)


Yes, Yes, you know the story. This mutant is blessed with uncharted regenerative abilities that allowed him to undergo a radical surgery which laced his skeleton with adamantium (a purportedly indestructible metallic compound).

With the heightened senses of a wolverine and attitude of John McLean, trying to pet this guy into submission isn’t something I’d recommend. His razor-sharp claws make it impossible for him to go to third base, which just adds to his poor attitude. He’s a definite pre-tourney favorite.




Number 2 Seeds:

Ferrigno Bracket: General Maximus Decimus Meridius (aka: Gladiator, aka: the Spaniard)


His name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, he is commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.

With enough angst to kill a small horse, this battle-tested Roman is a true sleeper. Some people aren’t happy that he’s a 2 seed, but this won’t be the first time the odds have been stacked against him.





Franco Columbu Bracket: Terminator (aka: Cyberdyne Systems Model 101)

Never makes a wrong decision, doesn’t care if he’s naked, and short of molten ore, not much can stop him. If he’s programmed to win this tournament, nothing else will be on his mind.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Bracket: King Leonidus (aka: The Spartan King)

Guess how many men it took Leonidus to fend off the thousand nations of the Persian Empire? Answer:300 – that’s less than one man per three nations.

Like myself, Leonidus was cast into the woods at age seven with the rest of his peers. Here, like myself, he learned to hunt, fight, steal, and kill. Only the strongest survived, and only one was made King. The difference between my plight and that of Leonidus is that his exile was in the mild climate of Southern Greece, while mine was in the unforgiving elements of NH – but that’s neither here nor there.

The fact that this warrior of warriors embraces death only makes the prospect of fighting him more ominous. And he has a great body

Roger Callard Bracket: Robocop (aka: an old private dick turned vigilante machine)


Can’t say I know much about this guy – he’s got a metal suit, lives in a dystopic future society where the lines between good and evil are ironically twisted. I was told he should be a number two seed – if it were up to me, Steve Guttenberg from Three Men and a Baby would be in this slot.

Number Three Seeds:

Lou Ferrigno Bracket: Rocky Balboa (aka: The Italian Stallion)

West Philadelphia Born and Raised. It wouldn’t seem right making Rocky a favorite, and it wouldn’t seem right making him a four seed. So we have him nicely positioned as a three seed.

“He’s not human. He’s like a piece of steel.” That’s what Drago says after a few relentless rounds, and that’s what every youth in America has come to learn thanks to USA, TNT, and TBS. I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t make it out of the first round.



Franco Columbu Bracket: Malibu (aka: Mittens aka: Whispers)

Enough Said

Arnold Schwarzenegger Bracket: Royce Gracie (aka: Royce Gracie)

I told you in 1996 that Wesley Snipes was the 2nd deadliest man in the world – Royce (pronounced Hoyce) was number one.

A master grapler and 4-time Ultimate Fighting champion, Royce consistently beat opponents who outweighed him by 50lbs or more. In 2004 he beat Akebono, the Sumo Grand Champion (who’s 6’8” and weighed in at 486 lbs), in 6 minutes. His father created the art of Gracie –Jui-Jitsu, and Royce perfected it. If Joe Rogan’s announcing the fight, I’d bet the ranch on Gracie.

Roger Callard Bracket: Casey Ryback (aka: the Chef)

“Casey Fu*&$# Ryback’s on that Train?”

If you’re going to hijack a naval battleship, or a train, you might want to make sure the cook isn’t an ex-Navy SEAL and explosives expert – just ask Gary Busey. A cross between Macgyver and Chuck Norris gives Ryback a fighting chance against anyone. And he plays a mean blues guitar.

Number 4 Seeds:

Lou Ferrigno Bracket: Johnny Lawrence (aka: Cobra Kai Captain)

This teenage badass can usually be found sweeping legs, putting people in body bags, and wearing sick skeleton costumes. Put me in the ring with this beanbag and I’ll eat his face.

Franco Columbu Bracket: Frank Dux (aka: LCVD, aka: Muscles from Brussels)

Winner of the Kumite, an underground mixed martial arts tournament, Frank’s variety of style and ability to adjust to any fighting style make him a real challenge for even the best badass. He can also catch fish with his hands blindfolded, so any attempt to blind him is futile.

*This is the Frank Dux from Bloodsport, not the real life sycophant.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Bracket: Randall Scott (aka: Battlecat)

(Randall on the Right)



Built like a Shetland Pony, this mini workhorse beat Wilmer Valderama in a fight in match that lasted 8 seconds - a tournament record. With a record of 17-1, Randall's only loss was to Black Death in Bridgeport Connecticut. Horse 7 point 7.

Roger Callard Bracket: Captain Furious (aka: Pheonix Dark)

Leader of a cadre called the Mystery Men, this man’s power is the fact that he gets extremely mad. Once Captain Amazing was killed, Captain Furious took over and defeated the most maniacal villain Champion City has ever seen – Casanova Frankenstein. Can lightning strike twice?

The Prodigal Son Returns

As many of you noticed, blogs have not been going up too consistently as of late. I’ve received your emails, responded to as many as I could, and appreciate your concern for my whereabouts.

There have been many rumors circulating regarding the reasons for my recent absence, so I’d just like to clear the air.





(The Carpathian Mountains..aka: Vampire City)

For the past few years I’ve been saving my vacation and sick days, and I finally pulled the trigger and went on my dream vacation. For the last month I’ve been in Western Romania tracking vampires through the Carpathian Mountains. Before my trip Randall was nice enough to deck me out with some La Sportive shoes, Golite apparel, and a grappling hook.


The trip was a smashing success, as we successfully tagged 13 vampires with homing devices (no vampires were injured on our quest). Hopefully this will help us better understand the lifestyle and tendencies of the modern vampire.

However, now that I am back, the regular blog schedule will recommence. So, I thank you for your patience and can’t wait to start the “tournament of the Bad Ass” next week.

Mailbag:

We’ve accumulated a variety of questions over the last month – some trivia – some from people just looking for answers, so this Q & A should clear up any remaining ambiguity.


I recently got into business school. I’m hesitant about going because of the price tag. Will the return on my investment be worth it, and do you have any other suggestions?
- Craig Zajak, Manhattan

Well Craig,
You’re not the first person to struggle with this decision. I’ve spoken with many entrepreneurs and the consensus may surprise you. The short answer is no, you don’t have to drop 100K on business school, you have a couple options:

a) Conventional wisdom says watching Secret of My Success twice is equal to one year of business school. So if you were considering a two year program, watch Secret four times, a three year program, watch it six, and so on….Secret is a concise mix of terminology, number crunching, and an intimate peak into the soul of the business world.

b) 10 day MBA is a quick read written by Steven Silbiger, introducing the tenants of business and giving a brief synopsis of what you may expect to learn in business school. The value of this book, however, doesn’t lie in the information between the pages, but what you can do when you’ve read that information. What can you do? Write MBA on your resume (if you want to be technical put the “ten day” in 6 font), how do you think I landed this job.

Hope this helps

Is Elisabeth Shue in Adventures in Babysitting hotter than Nicole Kidman in Days of Thunder?
Nick Jordanopolis, New Canaan, CT

Nick,
They’re both probably taller than you, but - Yes, absolutely

Who wins in a fight, Blade vs. Braveheart?
Ryan Faulkner, San Francisco, CA

We’re soon to be creating a bracket that will allow our community to vote on the biggest badass of all-time, and I would be shocked if these two didn’t make the final four. I can’t give a judgment on this at this time, but all questions of this nature should be answered within the month.

OK, what about Bear vs. Tiger?

Are they in a cage?

Yes

How Big?

70X70

What kind of bear?

Brown

Tiger, hands down. A tiger is a killing machine. It’s composed of 80% muscle, its carcass can fit in a suitcase, and it can leap 30ft in any direction at the drop of a hat.

Yes, a bear is powerful and outweighs the tiger (a larger Brown Bear weighs about 900lbs, why a larger Siberian Tiger weighs about 700lbs), but with a little room to roam the tiger would gain the advantage and inevitably get the back of the bear’s neck, jamming his two canines into the bears upper vertebrae and rendering it helpless.

OK time for one more

Who do you think are bigger geeks, the guys who play poker on ESPN or …..

I’ll stop you there, because there is no “or”. The guys who play poker on ESPN are hands downs the most annoying and obnoxious people I’ve ever seen. I’d beat up any combination of three poker players at the same time.

(The Crew, apparently taking the poker world by storm?)

Live Free and Die Hard my friends